THE DIRTY POP MIXTAPE [1997 – 2003]

THE SURREAL, THE CATCHY & THE HYPNOTIC.  Call it researching the masses.  Or just plain enjoyment of shit.  Here’s a sparkling compilation of six special years, when pop was at its zenith.

You’d be hard-pushed to deny the mad genius behind all of these songs and music videos. As Werner Herzog once mused on wrestling and The Anna Nicole Show, he would agree that one cannot avert their eyes or ears from these queer and curious audiovisual oddities. He’d probably even be whistling and tapping his feet.  Sit back, strap yourself in and embrace the phantasmagoria that’s about to come.  It will never leave you.

SIDE A

1. O-TOWN – LIQUID DREAMS (2000)

Where to start? The fart smelling?  The dangerous Justin Timberlake/Michael Jackson hybrid?  Or the five all-singing, all-dancing spermatozoons in a gargantuan metallic testicular dome?  Considering the moment-to-moment comic timing and subtext, this stands as a highly nuanced parody of every boyband that came before.  

Somebody knew what they were doing.  Though probably none of the boys present in the video.   O-Town’s fame boner didn’t last. They were ejaculated from the stream of popular culture shortly after.  However, their poetry forever lives on:

“Now this hot girl, she’s not your average girl
She’s a morpharotic dream from a magazine
And she’s so fine, designed to blow your mind
She’s a dominatrix supermodel beauty queen“

2. BACKSTREET BOYS – EVERYBODY (BACKSTREET’S BACK) [1997]

ALRIGHT.  Fear not.  There’s no shame in liking this one.  A monster hit on dancefloors and a mandatory record for wedding DJs.

In all fairness, it’s an impressively fresh take on the icons of horror.  Universal is thinking about rebooting all these characters and incorporating them into a Marvel-style cinematic shared universe.  They couldn’t do much worse than this. If you thought that video was freaky, check out Nick Carter’s little brother and the fourth chipmunk.

3. RICKY MARTIN – SHE BANGS [2000]

In She Bangs, Ricky discovers the long-lost underwater megaclub of Atlantis, guarded by a sultry mermaid and a sexy squid-man.  Guestlist only.  The likes of Zoolander regularly frequent the place.  

By the way, Ricky also comes across as a super-nice guy.  But to this day, he refuses to disclose Atlantis’ specific location.

4. ENRQUE IGLESIAS – BAILAMOS (WE DANCE) [1998]

Getting by as a lowly bartender and dancing for tips in a shiny jacket, our steamy lothario has his eyes on the prize: one of Lou Bega’s many girlfriends. Possibly Rita from Mambo No. 5.  But this story doesn’t end well…  

Bega might have let things slide if Rita and Enrique hadn’t disappeared along with his money.  The consequences are played out in the sequel, Hero, where Bega has dispatched a band of coldblooded killers led by Mickey Rourke. Enrique is tragically beaten to death and ascends into the hall of pop ballad martyrdom.  Rita still cries for him. Although she did go back to Bega.    

5. BACKSTREET BOYS – LARGER THAN LIFE [1999]

BACKSTREET’S BACK!  In this week’s episode, our five heroes return to save the galaxy, each utilising their own special skill.  Bad boy, AJ, has been imprisoned in that same gargantuan metallic testicular dome as O-Town, and is being violently tortured with pneumatic tubes, draining his nutrient-rich, vital juices.

Meanwhile, only Kevin responsibly mans his post, protecting the ship with a laser cannon.  This is all whilst the rest of the boys appear to fuck about.  Nick commands an elite army of dancing robots, Brian’s forgotten why he mounted his hoverboard and Howie’s holed up in a box room, tripping on space-age legal highs.  Can the boys escape their distractions to save AJ… and the galaxy?

Flip to SIDE B…